All I'm telling you to do is to be smart about it. Know that if this man isn't looking for a serious relationship, you're not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lords green earthyoure capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pocketsbut if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish.
All men lie. That's how they operate. if you want a longterm relationship with a man you've got to understand it's going to be with a liar. It's in their nature it's genetic, it's a bloody Darwinian acquired characteristic for survival, OK? They tell you what they want you to hear.
I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time sometimes far too long waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.
I realized right then and there, in that hallway, that I wanted no other... I became the man she needed me to be because she had sense enough to have requirementsstandards that she needed in her relationship in order to make the relationship work for her. She knew she wanted a monogamous relationshipa partnership with a man who wanted to be a dedicated husband and father. She also knew this man had to be faithful, love God, and be willing to do what it took to keep this family together. On a smaller scale she also made it clear that she expected to be treated like a lady at every turnIm talking opening car doors for her, pulling out her seat when she's ready to sit at the table, coming correct on anniversary, Mothers Day, and birthday gifts, keeping the foul talk to a minimum. These requirements are important to her because they lay out a virtual map of what I need to do to make sure she gets what she needs and wants. After all, it's universal knowledge that when mama is happy, everybody is happy. And it is my sole mission in life to make sure Marjorie is happy.
I understand that some people find God after misfortune, although this seems to me even more ridiculous than finding Him in good times. God smote me. He must love me. It's like not wanting a romantic relationship until a member of the opposite sex punches you in the face. My miraculous survival will not change my opinion that Heaven is an idea constructed by man to help him cope with the fact that life on earth is both brutally short, and paradoxically, far too long.
I used to think that finding the right one was about the man having a list of certain qualities. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. Sort of a checkmark system that was a complete failure. But I found out that a healthy relationship isn't so much about sense of humor or intelligence or attractive. It's about avoiding partners with harmful traits and personality types. And then it's about being with a good person. A good person on his own, and a good person with you. Where the space between you feels uncomplicated and happy. A good relationship is where things just work. They work because, whatever the list of qualities, whatever the reason, you happen to be really, really good together.
I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word 'busy' is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.