How did you find out? he asked. I dropped the coat I'd been holding. How do you think? She told me. She couldn't wait to tell me.He sighed and sat on the arm of my couch and stared into space.That's it? You have nothing else to say? I asked.I'm sorry. God, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like this.We're you ever going to tell me?Yeah...of course. His voice was so sweet and so gentle that it momentarily defused the anger that wanted to explode out of me. I stared at him, looking hard into those amber brown eyes. She said...she said you didn't drink, but you did, right? That's what happened? I sounded like I was Kendalls age and suspected I wore the pleading expression Yasmine had given Jerome.Seths face stayed expressionless. No, Thetis. I wasn't drunk. I didn't drink at all.I sank down into the arm chair opposite him. Thenthenwhat happened?It took a while for him to get the story out. I could see the two warring halves within him: the one that wanted to be open and the one that hated to tell me things I wouldn't like. I was so upset after what happened with us. I was actually on the verge of calling that guywhats his name? Niphon. I couldn't stand itI wanted to fix things between us. But just before I did, I ran into Maddie. I was soI don't know. Just confused. Distraught. She asked me to get food, and before I knew it, I'd accepted. He raked a hand through his hair, neutral expression turning confused and frustrated. And being with hershe was just so nice. Sweet. Easy to talk to. And after leaving things off physically with you, I'd been kind ofumAroused? Horny? Lustfilled?He grimaced. Something like that. But, I don't know. There was more to it than just that.The tape in my mind rewound. Did you say you we're going to call Niphon?Yeah. We'd talked at pokerand then he called me once. Said if I ever wantedhe could make me a deal. I thought it was crazy at the time, but after I left you that nightI don't know. It just made me wonder if maybe it was worth it to live the life I wanted and make it so you wouldn't have to worry so much.Maddie coming along was a blessing then, I muttered. Christ. Seth had seriously considered selling his soul. I really needed to deal with Niphon. He hadn't listened to me when I'd told him to leave Seth alone. I wanted to rip the imps throat out, but my revenge would have to wait. I took a deep breath.We'll, I told Seth. That's that. I can't say I like itbut, wellits over.He tilted his head curiously. What do you mean?This. This Maddie thing. You finally had a fling. We've always agreed you could, right? I mean, it's not fair for me to be the only one who gets some. Now we can move on.A long silence fell. Aubrey jumped up beside me and rubbed her head against my arm. I ran a hand over her soft fur while I waited for Seths response.Georgina, he said at last. You knowIve told youwell. I don't really have flings.My hand froze on Aubreys back. What are you saying?Idont have flings.Are you saying you want to start something with her?He looked miserable. I don't know.
The world was incomprehensibly intricate, and yet this forest made a simple sense in her heart that she felt nowhere else.She wanted only her own strawberry farm, the fragrance of the fields and the cedar trees, and to live simply in this place forever.She had fallen into loving him long before she knew herself, though it occurred to her now that she might never know herself, that perhaps no one ever does, that such a thing might not be possible.You should learn to say nothing that will cause you regret. You should not say what is not in your heart or what is only in your heart for a moment. But you know this silence is better.
I belong to a nation which over the past centuries has experienced many hardships and reverses. The world reacted with silence or with mere sympathy when Polish frontiers we're crossed by invading armies and the sovereign state had to succumb to brutal force.
My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you. But for every real word spoken, for every attempt I had ever made to speak those truths for which I am still seeking, I had made contact with other women while we examined the words to fit a world in which we all believed, bridging our differences.